Fireworks
Despite the noise and party half of the world is having because if the New Years’ Eve celebration, Angela remained silent. She stared blankly into nothingness as she walked home. The lights of the firecrackers flickered on her face that showed nothing but emptiness and despair.
After four years of loving and hoping that she will be loved in return, it painfully dawned on her that Johnny can never love her back. When she reached her apartment, she quickly ran to her room and threw herself on the bed. Angela sobbed dryly and shouted as the clock stroked twelve and noises of celebration drowned her tears.
It was three in the afternoon, Angela fixed her things as she ran towards the Function Room where the Quiz Bee will be held. She entered the door without knocking and found her friends, Jean and Sofia waiting for her. She smiled apologetically for being late.
“She’s using the doggie smile again.” Sofia told Jean. She brushed her hands on her long hair impatiently. Though annoyed, she still looked pretty.
“We almost got disqualified, Angela.” She said as she pulled her friend towards the chairs. “I told Mrs. Raymundo that you have a cold that’s why you’re very late.”
“I’m sorry. The traffic sucks.”
“Whatever, let’s get going.” Sofia cheerfully led them to the stage for the contest.
The program pushed thru and Angela’s team was leading with the score of thirty six to seventeen. Everyone paused for a break. Sofia went to the Comfort Room as Jean scanned her notes again. Angela went to get something to drink when she noticed students gather around something. She came near the crowd and was startled to see a male student lying unconscious. Nobody attended to him for help so she came to help him because she’s a nursing student. Without moving the lad, she checked his pulse, relieved that he’s not dead, Angela told the onlookers to get some help.
“I don’t know what happened. I saw him lying on the floor.” Angela told the University doctor. “I came to check his pulse to see if he’s still alive.” She chuckled a little about that thought. The male doctor, maybe on his forties, smiled incredulously.
“Well, he’s conscious now. Maybe you want to see him. We’ll still run a few more tests on him.” the doctor implied.
“Nope, I have to–” she felt cold upon remembering that the quiz bee must’ve resumed already. “I have to go Doctor Reyes. I’m sorry.”
Angela dashed thru the Hospital Wing and prayed that she’s not yet too late. When she reached the venue, she saw that the contest was about to start and felt relieved. She ignored the questioning look of her friends and jauntily did her best to win the competition.
Meanwhile, inside the school clinic, Johnny told the doctor that he’s just not feeling well. But the doctor still recommended that he goes for a check up because of his extremely pale skin. He did as the doctor advised. He wasn’t able to find out who was the girl that helped him because he was told to go home directly.
After a few weeks, Angela wondered why she never saw the student that she helped during the program. But she never made any move to find him. Sofia teased her that maybe; he’s the one man that she’s been waiting for. Both her friends have boyfriends and she’s the only one who stayed single. She firmly hoped that she’ll meet the one she’ll love magically, with fireworks flying on the sky when their eyes meet. But nobody came that way. Until she found the handsome unconscious lad on the floor, yet, she never saw him again.
“Maybe it’s not yet the right time for me to fall in love.”
“Oh c’mon, Angela, we’re in college. Of all the people I know, you’re the only one who’s not worried of not having a boyfriend.” Sofia said loudly that all of the students in the Cafeteria stared at them.
“Why don’t you come with us tomorrow night? I know this cute guy, he’s willing to go on a blind date.” Jean giggled as she put on some lip gloss on her thin lips. She’s getting thinner and thinner. Sofia is worried that she already has anorexia. But she denied that she’s on a diet even if she rarely eats real food.
“Perfect.” Sofia agreed.
Angela sighed and rolled her eyes. She doesn’t like dates. Most of all, blind dates. “You know, I think I’ll be busy tomorrow night. My aunt will come and visit us.” She lied. She really thinks that it’s stupid to go and search for love. If she’ll not meet someone perfect, she’d rather not meet anyone. “Besides, I don’t think that a woman’s’ life should be about finding a man to love. It’s a little bit silly.”
“But it’s fun.” Jean admitted. “Look at you, you’re becoming boring more and more everyday.”
“Well, I don’t know. Maybe next time. I’m not in the mood for dates.” Angela said as she walked away.
Her two friends looked at her as she moved away. They both agreed that it was such a waste that Angela won’t be able to meet the cute guy they met yesterday that agreed to go out on a triple date with them tonight. They never knew that Angela met him two weeks ago and she’s been thinking about him since then.
Twenty two kilometers away from where the three ladies are, is Johnny, sitting on the lobby of a famous hospital, waiting for his laboratory result. He felt nervous thinking that he’s sick, or worse, dying. But he knew since he was a kid that he is anemic. So he conditioned his brain that he’ll just get a few advices on what medicine and vitamins to take.
When his name was called, he walked quickly. He took a deep breath before going inside the office of the doctor.
“Johnny, we found out that you have a condition.” The doctor began stating.
“What? Just go straight to the point doctor.” Johnny impatiently said.
“You have leukemia. You have to undergo chemotherapy. ” The doctor continued relating the dangers of his disease and how he hoped to meet his parents. But it is impossible because he never met his mother that died after he was born. His father, on the other hand, is residing in Australia with his second family. He never visited Johnny or cared what happened to him. He just sent him money for schooling and for all his needs. But that was never enough. He needed someone to guide him, to give him love. He grew up with his indifferent grandmother that always annoys him. So, when he finished high school, he decided to move away and rent his own place.
His thoughts snapped out of him when he heard his cell phone ring. He absentmindedly answered it and heard an unfamiliar voice.
“Hi! This is Sofia,” said a female voice on the line. “Remember?”
“Of course, what’s up?”
“My friend said that she can’t come tonight. I’m sorry.” She apologized. “But we can still go out if you want. You can bring your own date.”
“No it’s okay. I don’t think I can come either.” He admitted as he shut off his cell phone.
He closed his eyes and buried his face on his hands in disbelief. Everything he worked for and dreamed of will now go to waste. He’s dying. He can’t believe that this is happening.
That night, Angela decided to go on a midnight sale. She did not invite her friends to come because she knows that they’ll be out on their own dates. So she walked alone in the middle of the mall and bought some stuff happily. She sat on the bench and waited for the fireworks display that is done once in a month in this mall. She was contented on her own. She doesn’t need anyone to make her happy.
When the fireworks display begun, she did not notice that a lad sat beside her on the bench. They both watched the beauty of the lights show silently. Angela even clapped her hands in awe. The young man looked at her way and smiled. He came here to forget his problems and he found someone, alone like him.
“You like fireworks?” he asked.
“Yeah, it’s beautiful.” Angela said as she turned to see the face of the man. She was startled when she saw that it was the male student that she helped at the competition.
“Oh, it’s you!” she blurted.
“Me? You know me?”
“You were the guy that fell unconscious in the middle of the competition at school. I helped you get some help” she narrated and giggled to finally meet him.
“Yeah, the school doctor told me that you helped me.” He remembered. “Thank you.”
“I did nothing actually. It was just that everyone was just looking at you without doing anything so I came to check if you’re okay.” She smiled at him. Johnny realized that she is beautiful. Her dark and long eyelashes complimented her brown eyes. She looked simple yet elegant. Just the type of girl that a man will ignore on the first meeting only to realize that she is perfect.
“Thanks anyway for the concern.” Johnny sincerely said. “Care for a drink?”
Angela agreed to have coffee with Johnny. They went on a Coffee shop at the end of the street. They talked about everything. They both felt a different connection. And when he brought her home, their eyes met and they both knew that they will have a long friendship. Perhaps, a deep friendship.
Sofia was thrilled when she found out that Angela spent her night with a guy she just met. Finally, all their hopes of finding someone for their friend came true. Jean also hoped to meet the mystery man Angela met.
For years, they became the best of friends. Johnny always visits Angela on weekends. They go out on dates. They enjoyed each others company but never committed to have a serious relationship. Angela felt that she is in love with Johnny but never confessed the truth to him or to her friends because she knows that there is something going on with him that he doesn’t want to share with anybody. She felt betrayed because she believes that it was destiny that gave them the chance to meet each other. But she kept everything to herself, hoping that one day, Johnny will realize how much she loves him.
After graduation, they had a beach party with all their friends. Sofia and Jean were so excited because after four years, they’ll meet the mystery guy Angela has been hiding from them. Angela told them that there is no reason for them to meet him exclusively because they don’t have a relationship that is more than just being friends. And since they have different chosen fields, they rarely saw each other anymore. Sofia attended her OJT as a Tourism student, while Jean and Angela attended their own duties as future nurses.
They chose a beach not far from the city. Johnny came late. Angela was worried that he won’t come and was surprised to see that Sofia and Jean already made acquaintance with him.
“You know each other?” she asked the three of them.
“He is the guy that I fixed you with on a blind date.” Sofia told them.
“It’s funny that your mystery guy is him.” Jean said and laughed when she saw Johnny and Angela blushed.
“Really? What a coincidence.” He mused.
“Destiny” Sofia and Jean said in a chorus. The four of them laughed together and enjoyed the night.
When half of the party goers were already drunk and sleeping in the cottages, Angela went outside and walked on the seashore with Johnny. They talked about their plans after college. Johnny listened to her eagerly. He was happy to meet her that night at the mall. He felt thankful that she came his way. When he found out that he was sick, he didn’t know what to do. He wanted to kill himself to make things quicker, but Angela came to him and she served as his inspiration though he never admitted to her what he truly feels. He is very much afraid that once Angela loved him in return, he’ll leave her crying and alone. He never wanted to hurt her that much. But now, he felt the need to admit to her everything. He wanted to lock her in his arms and tell her how much he wants to continue living for her. He drowned in his thoughts and hoped that he’ll have the courage to tell her everything.
“Is there something wrong?” Angela worriedly asked.
“Nothing, I’m just thinking.”
“Thinking of what?”
“How life would be if I never met you.” He finally blurted out. He pulled Angela close to him. He held her tight without saying a word. She smiled and decided not to say anything because she doesn’t want to spoil the moment. She was happy that somehow, he appreciated her presence in his life. She hoped desperately that time will stop in this moment and in this sweet hour.
More years have passed and they had an unsung relationship. Both of them understood that they don’t need to express their feelings towards each other. Everything that they have right now is enough to make them feel happy and satisfied.
Though this seems for real, Angela felt unsure. She was never secured with what Johnny felt about her. She had doubts if he really loves her and if he will be loyal to her forever.So, she did her best to savor the moment while it still lasts. But still, she prays that this will be for good.
Johnny, on the other hand, never felt unsure about his feelings for Angela. The thing that he is worrying about is how he will tell her the truth about his illness. He stopped responding to treatments because he doesn’t want to cause any alarm with his family and most especially, with Angela. The doctors told him that he only has a few more years to live. He accepted it but never can he accept the fact that he will leave Angela alone.
After spending Christmas with his grandmother in the province, he came back to Manila to see Angela and celebrate New Year with her. He decided to tell her a hard decision he had to make. They went to go on a date at the mall where they met for the second time. Angela wore her pink dress. She looked very simple yet very pretty. She sat on the same bench where they sat four years ago. She waited for him to come while holding a small parcel in her hand that she wanted to give him.
Johnny came from the back which caught Angela off guard. She laughed and gently slapped his shoulder, telling him that he scared her. He sat beside her without saying anything. Once again, they watched the fire works in the air.
“I wanted to give you this.” She said as she hand him the parcel. “It’s a little something.”
He took the parcel and stared at it for long. No words came out of him. He felt guilt eat him from the inside.
“Happy New Year!” she greeted.
“Thank you,” was the only thing he could say after her generosity. He took a deep breath and started to tell her what he was thinking.
“I want to be totally honest with you.” He started, “I don’t think that we can go on like this.”
“Like what?” she asked. She felt her heart almost jump right out of her chest.
“I don’t think we can go on as friends. I don’t think that it is still right to see each other.” He coldly said without looking at her.
“What? Why?” she asked.
“I don’t know why. I just realized that after all these years, I’ve been holding you back. I’ve done nothing for you.” He said holding back the tears.
“So what? I never asked for anything from you.”
“I don’t love you Angela. I think that’s a good reason for us not to see each other anymore.”
Angela stood up and ran away as fast as she could. She heard Johnny called out her name but she never looked back. She never wanted to look back anymore. Despite the noise and party half of the world is having because if the New Years’ Eve celebration, Angela remained silent. She stared blankly into nothingness as she walked home. The lights of the firecrackers flickered on her face that showed nothing but emptiness and despair.
After four years of loving and hoping that she will be loved in return, it painfully dawned on her that Johnny can never love her back. When she reached her apartment, she quickly ran to her room and threw herself on the bed. Angela sobbed dryly and shouted as the clock stroked twelve and noises of celebration drowned her tears.
Johnny was not able to move from where Angela left him. He held back tears, tears because he had to lie about his feelings for Angela. He loved her with all the life that was left of him. But he had to choose, he had to sacrifice. He wanted to stop the pain he is feeling right now. That pain will only stop if he will not see the reason why he chose to fight. It will only stop if Angela will never see him again. He opened the parcel Angela gave him earlier. It holds a silver bracelet with carvings of his initials on the back.
After two years, she moved on. She became a nurse and worked in a famous hospital in Quezon City. Her friends, Sofia and Jean had their own lives after college. Jean married her long time boyfriend and is now a mother of twins. Sofia became a flight stewardess, broke up with her college boyfriend and found several new ones. They remained friends and constantly saw each other.
One sleepy afternoon, while she was doing her rounds, Angela over heard her colleagues talk about a young male patient that is in the third floor. They told her that he was handsome and always had nightmares. He kept on shouting a name of a girl.
“Maybe it was you he is looking for,” Hugo teased.
“I really think he is cute.” Bridgette said. “Too bad, for the past few weeks that he has been confined here, nobody came to see him. Not a single family or friend.”
“Maybe he has a bad attitude.” Angela suggested.
“You’ll find out soon, you’re assigned to check on him.” He told Angela. “Good luck!”
Angela quickly attended to her duty at the third floor. She checked on the patient her friends talked to her about. He was dying, according to them. Before she entered the room, she fixed her nameplate and put on a smile.
“Good afternoon!” she greeted. “How are you feeling?”
The patient sat up from his bed and smiled at her. “I’m feeling a little better. You’re new here?” he asked.
“No–” she looked at her record, “–William, I was first assigned at the nursery then I chose to be placed here.” She said as she came near him.
“Well, I can get used to a pretty nurse like you.” William told her as he lied on his bed for his check up. “I’m not at all bored anymore because I met a friend last week, he’s at the room next door. He frequently visits me” he narrated as Angela checked on his pulse. “We play chess.”
She smiled at him. It’s a good thing that patients found comfort with each other. She felt pity for William because he is a cancer patient. He has colon cancer, stage four. Only God knows what will happen to him for the next few weeks or the coming days ahead. It is such a blessing that he is happy at this moment.
Angela stopped when she heard a knock on the door. Without them answering, the visitor came inside. “It’s my friend, Johnny.” Angela felt a gush of cold wind run on her skin. She turned around to see who it was and was shocked to see that she was right. It was Johnny.
He was also surprised to see her. He never thought that they will meet like this, most especially in a place like this. She wasn’t able to say a word. She gripped her record book tightly and tried to remain still. But her hands can’t hide her feelings, she trembled as she look at him in amazement.
“Angela,” Johnny softly said. “It’s nice to see you again.”
“Why are you here?” she asked. “Are you sick?”
“Uh–” he knew that he can no longer hide the truth from her. He felt pain upon seeing her again. But he felt relieved that destiny allowed them to see each other once more. “Yes, I have Leukemia.”
Tears welled down from her eyes. She doesn’t know what to say or think now that all the memories of pain and love came rushing back to her. She thought she already forgot about him. But all of those were lies, lies to keep her from feeling more pain. She wanted to shout at him and tell him how much she hated him for the last few years that he was gone. But she felt guilty, she felt pity.
”How long have you been suffering from Leukemia?” she asked as she looked at him. He looked paler than before. He was still wearing the bracelet she gave him. They went to the hospital canteen to have a cup of coffee.
“Remember when you first saw me?” he tried to remember. “I already felt some symptoms. And they confirmed that I am sick the morning before I saw you at the mall. That’s why I came to watch the fireworks display. I was desperate and lonely that time.”
“You never told me?!” she said angrily. “You knew all along but you never told me.”
“I’m sorry. I wanted to hide it from you because I know that I will become a burden to you. You will treat me differently if you knew.”
“How are you sure that I will treat you differently? How are you sure that I will be like what you think.”
“I don’t know. I was so confused.” He admitted
A sudden realization came to her. “Maybe I know why.”
He stared at her, afraid like a child of what she might say next. He doesn’t want to hear it but she still said the painful lies he told her.
“Because you never loved me. You don’t think that I am worth telling the truth. Right, Johnny?”
He wasn’t able to answer. He wanted to reason out. He wanted to tell her badly that it was all a lie. But Angela already left him. He allowed tears roll down from his eyes. Could this be the last?
“What is his condition now Doctor Fernandez?” Angela asked Johnny’s doctor.
“He’s healthy and is undergoing treatments. I believe that he will survive this.” Doctor Fernandez told Angela who is still trembling upon the confrontation she had with Johnny. “As long as he responds to treatments and medications, I think he’ll be alright.”
She felt joyful that he will at least have a chance to be saved. She came to his room and checked if he is already sleeping. But she didn’t found him on his bed. She went next door to ask William if he saw Johnny. She stopped when she heard sobs coming from the room. She accidentally heard William talking to the one crying.
“If you love her, tell her.” William advised. “I know she will understand.”
“I love her so much that I wanted to spare her from the pain and the suffering that I have because of this damn disease.” Johnny managed to say between the sobs. “I never wanted to see her like this. I responded to treatments because I hoped that when I meet her again, I’ll be okay and strong.”
“Perhaps you were selfish to think that she wants to be spared.” William already saw Angela on the door but pretended not to see. “Tell her and she will understand.”
“I think Johnny is really selfish.” Angela said as she entered the room. Johnny rose from the sofa near the window and was astounded to see Angela. But he allowed himself to surrender to the moment. “If I knew that you were sick, I will never leave you. I will make you see how much I love you and how much I am willing to help you win his.”
She came near him. She wrapped Johnny in her arms and she knew that she will never let him leave her again. He hugged her back and apologized for all the pain and lies he caused her. William looked at them. He smiled because he felt happy that his friend found the true love he’s been waiting for all these years.
I promised myself that I won’t write about the Lying Footprints anymore. But here I am, pouring my thoughts and burning the keyboard. I can’t help it because she really pushed me to the limit this time. 
