My colleague lent me a book about spirituality the other day and told me to read it because it is nice and inspirational. Out of courtesy, I took it and told her I would return it early next week. I am really not the spiritual type of person and I have lost faith in religion a couple of years ago. It’s not really the book that urged me to write today. It’s the experience and realization that came through with it.
I approached my colleague to her that I’ve read the first part of the book and it somehow touched even if I am not a very religious person. She asked me why I consider myself that way. Well, just to keep the conversation going, I told her the truth and maybe she’ll understand and see through the experience that I’ve gone through.
I was born Catholic and grew up in a Catholic School. I know the bible, Jesus, the whole history of how He redeemed the world and thought us different beautiful and kind things. I used to pray regularly before going to bed and even went to church every Sunday to listen to the word of God until I lost contact. I grew up, experienced pain and hardship. Our family went through a crisis and I never felt Him there. So I guess I stopped holding on to Him. Then, we went to live at the province where my mom and dad introduced the family into the world of Christianity. Being a part of a Christian church is not that bad. You learn different things and see God in a different way. One thing that I will never forget among the many things our pastor thought us is that God is a forgiving Lord. Once you have accepted him as your savior, you’ll be saved from the eternal fires of hell. That’s very comforting as well and for once, I felt like I was close to Him somehow even if I know at the back of my mind that something is not right.
I’ve seen different types of religion and their different views and interpretation of the bible. I wet to this church once where all the members were crying whenever they hear a testimony. That was fine because that is how they wanted to express themselves and their belief. The ugly part is; they try to force you to believe and to be one of them. Their pastor tells all the non members that they will burn in Hell unless they accept God. They are teaching their people that those who believes otherwise or even in other religion will not be a part of the “Saved”.
That’s when I felt that being a part of a religion is pointless. They all claim that they teach the same thing and believe in the same God but they contradict each other. Like Catholics who believes that one man is only for one woman and when they are bound in marriage, nothing but death can break the bond. Muslims on the other hand believes that it is okay to have many wives because that is the teaching of the bible. Go and multiply. Now I have a question and I hope that I will find an answer, how are we going to know which one is the right path when every religion in the world finds flaws and mistakes and keeps on throwing mud at each other. I haven’t found the answers so here I am, without religion and without belief.
After telling my whole story, my colleague told me that it’s not religion that I need, it’s the relationship with God. It’s not enough that I believe that there is a God. I should have a relationship with Him so that I will be saved and he will include me in the souls he will take with me in Heaven. I know in my heart that she is right. I know in myself that I need to hold onto something so that the emptiness in my heart will be filled. She encouraged me to come with her on Sunday to their church. She even reiterated that she is not forcing me since it has to come from me that I wanted to listen to the word of God and accept Him as my savior.
I really wanted to go because I am not closing my doors to anything
especially I know in my heart that I am looking for something. I am not saying that if I go with her, I will have a relationship with God and I will be able to say that I am a Christian. I just wanted to give it a shot.
Then, she explained to me that the reason why she is encouraging me to go to church is because she doesn’t want to be selfish. She knows that she will be saved because she knows in her heart that she has accepted God as her savior. It’s like how she feels about her family who has a different religion with her. She made it clear and I appreciate it when she told me that it’s not the religion but the relationship. She said she wants her family to have a clear relationship with God. She doesn’t care what their religion is but she cares about their trust and faith. She wants to live by the word of God like what she does. She wants them to be saved as well.
That is really very kind of her and to think of it, who am I for her to help build a relationship with God. She wants me to be saved and she encouraged me to listen to His word. Maybe I will find what I am looking for if I listen and come with them. She told me that they will not care what I believe in. What’s important is that we will make a relationship with the Lord.
But then, I still have doubts. It was even very coincidental that the episode of Glee was about spirituality and religion. The Glee Club members have different opinion about Jesus, God and religion. The weirdest part is that the character Kurt seemed to have echoed my thoughts. He is a gay character whose father is sick and dying. He was encouraged by his friends to pray to God and maybe that will help him. He refused. His words were fierce but somehow true.
“I don’t believe in God. You’ve profess your beliefs, I'm just stating mine. I think God is like Santa Claus for adults. ‘Cause God is kind of a jerk. He makes me gay and has His followers following me around telling me it’s something that I chose.It’s as if they will choose to be mocked every single day of their life.”
I am not a lesbian so don’t get me wrong. It’s just that I feel for people like Kurt. There is this one person that is very close to me and that I truly love who is gay. He will never be saved in the eyes of the believers. The city of Sodom and Gomorrah was burned because of lesbians and gay people. They are sinners. People mock them, make fun of them and look at them as if they have a contagious disease. They will never be accepted in the eyes of your religion or belief! I just want to tell all of you that they never chose to be the way they are. They are no more different than us. It just so happened that they are the way they are. If gays and lesbians will never be accepted in the doors of heaven, then don’t bother saving me at all. If God really sees them as sinners and not worthy to be a part f His Kingdom, then I will just look up and hope that one day, God will understand.
