Dream

"..If it’s not him, it would never be him no matter how much I am in love w/ him. But incase, just incase he's for me, he'll always be for me.. no matter how often I set him free.."

I dreamt about my old friend, John Jay Buenaventura, last night. I really am bothered by the dream. In the dream, I went to school and he saw me there. I gave him this huge bag of chips that I have. I was avoiding him so I went away after that. I was walking in the dark street outside school when he walked behind me with a friend of his that I don’t know. When we reached the intersection, he bid farewell to his friend who went straight ahead. He held my hand and asked me why I was avoiding him. These are the exact words:

“Iniiwasan mo ba ‘ko? (Are you avoiding me?)” I answered him ‘no’.

Then we walked along this long dark road, he still held my hand then we reached this hut where there’s Julie Asentista and a couple of people that I don’t know. We talked, I told him the truth. I cried. I heard the things I wanted to hear all my life. “I don’t want you to avoid me.” I was a bit disappointed in the dream because he didn’t tell me that he liked me. But I guess that’s how it is because I know that he likes someone else. Then, when I turned, he wasn’t there anymore, instead, Ferdz was there. That was awfully weird.

I woke up thinking, I looked at Ferdz’ picture at my desk. I guess I miss him. I guess I also miss Jhay. I didn’t buy him anything for his graduation because Ria told me that perhaps, he is just being nice to me because he knows that I like him. Yeah, I thought so too. He’s just nice to me because he’s a gentleman. I did like him before. But not anymore, what I had with Jhay was just a part of my past. I will always miss him. Yet, I don’t think that I am gonna be the one that’ll make the move to see him.

If I see him again, I’ll be the happiest person. But I am not ready yet. I can’t even send him a text message. I don’t want to. I don’t want to miss anybody anymore. I just wish that wherever he’s gonna be and whatever he’s gonna do, he’ll be happy no matter what.