Sunday, April 25, 2010
Sunday, April 18, 2010
Saturday, April 3, 2010
Thoughts at Work on a Good Friday
Last night, before going to bed, I fixed some of my old school stuff. I smiled at the thought that I left school because I wanted to go to work and half of the reason is I don't want to be left behind.
He is leaving me for good.
I sensed that on the last talk we had. He said that he has found another. Someone that makes him happy and he hopes that that someone will be the last.
Though we don't have any special thing going on, for me he was special. He is my bestfriend and my confidante. He is the only one that I was truly honest with 99%. 1% of untruthfulness was my feelings for him. I never dared to tell him how I feel because I know that it can never be. It's a bit complicated if you know what I mean.
Then, I went to find a job and found one luckily. I am happy in what I am doing. I am the youngest in my team. Most of my colleagues are married, grown ups but in a relationship and some are single but satisfied. I am a bit left out as well.
Until I met someone who made me feel special for some time. He is funny, cute and we have the same likes though at times, we find it difficult to get along. We were buddies for a while. Then I felt that something different started to happen.
We were inseperable. Took lunch together. Went home together and hanged out together a lot. Some of my friends tell me it's getting on the next level. Then I found out he is in a relationship.
Well, I didn't care that much because I hate commitments. I suck at it. I tend to become possessive and controlling so I decided not to try to get into one. But then one day, he started avoiding me. He told that to me in a joking way but as what I firmly believe, jokes are half meant. Then, we parted ways. I started to feel uneasy when he is around. He became a total stranger to me once more.
I am left alone again.
Then I thought, maybe this is what's meant to happen. I said before in one of my blogs that you have to believe in love in order to find it. I still find it hard to believe. Love is for those who are at peace with their self. Someone who trust that they will be the best person to be loved and the best person to give love in return. I guess that person is not me.
Maybe someday I will find love or love will find me. No matter how it is, let it be. It's only now that I realized that it's scary to be alone. I don't see myself with kids or with a family. But I think that what really scares me is not to feel that you are loved. Worst, it is scary to think that I find it hard to love.
I think I'm just not ready.
He is leaving me for good.
I sensed that on the last talk we had. He said that he has found another. Someone that makes him happy and he hopes that that someone will be the last.
Though we don't have any special thing going on, for me he was special. He is my bestfriend and my confidante. He is the only one that I was truly honest with 99%. 1% of untruthfulness was my feelings for him. I never dared to tell him how I feel because I know that it can never be. It's a bit complicated if you know what I mean.
Then, I went to find a job and found one luckily. I am happy in what I am doing. I am the youngest in my team. Most of my colleagues are married, grown ups but in a relationship and some are single but satisfied. I am a bit left out as well.
Until I met someone who made me feel special for some time. He is funny, cute and we have the same likes though at times, we find it difficult to get along. We were buddies for a while. Then I felt that something different started to happen.
We were inseperable. Took lunch together. Went home together and hanged out together a lot. Some of my friends tell me it's getting on the next level. Then I found out he is in a relationship.
Well, I didn't care that much because I hate commitments. I suck at it. I tend to become possessive and controlling so I decided not to try to get into one. But then one day, he started avoiding me. He told that to me in a joking way but as what I firmly believe, jokes are half meant. Then, we parted ways. I started to feel uneasy when he is around. He became a total stranger to me once more.
I am left alone again.
Then I thought, maybe this is what's meant to happen. I said before in one of my blogs that you have to believe in love in order to find it. I still find it hard to believe. Love is for those who are at peace with their self. Someone who trust that they will be the best person to be loved and the best person to give love in return. I guess that person is not me.
Maybe someday I will find love or love will find me. No matter how it is, let it be. It's only now that I realized that it's scary to be alone. I don't see myself with kids or with a family. But I think that what really scares me is not to feel that you are loved. Worst, it is scary to think that I find it hard to love.
I think I'm just not ready.
Saturday, March 27, 2010
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Slum Book 101
- What is your name?
Veronica Baje
- What is your nickname?
Nica, Nic, Nix
- When were you born?
June 7, 1988
- What is your favorite color?
Green
- What is your favorite food?
Anything without veggie and something that has not a lot of fat.
- What TV shows do you watch most?
Showtime! Smallville. Will & Grace.
- What is your favorite movie of all time?
Finding Nemo
- Who is your favorite actor/actress?
- What type of music do you listen to?
Alternative Rock, Pop, RnB.
- Who is your favorite singer?
Alex Max Band
- Who is your favorite band?
The Calling, 2NE1, Red Jumpsuit Apparatus
- What is your favorite book?
Abarat, Lily of the Valley
- Who is your favorite author?
Margareth Rome, Clive Barker, Nicholas Sparks
- Describe yourself in one word.
Loud.
- What are your hobbies?
Writing, sleeping, eating, listening to music, Watching movies and DVDs.
- What is your ambition in life?
To get my own house and to buy a red convertible.
- What is your greatest dream?
To become the richest and most famous girl in the world!
- Who are your close friends?
Norman Acosta, Riarose Zaira Vitto, John Louie Cunanan.
- Who is your best friend?
It was Ferdinand Pomento.
- Who was your first kiss?
I can’t remember.
- Who is your crush?
Most of them are bisexuals and some of them are taken so I’m not going to name anybody.
- Describe your ideal mate.
Someone who will be ready to take me as I am. Someone who is willing to give up everything ad will not be afraid to fight for me. Someone who will not force me to become someone who I can never become. Someone who is not looking for a girl who knows how to cook. Someone who will need me more than I will need him.
- Who is your inspiration?
Helen Keller and my family.
- Describe your special someone?
I don’t have a special someone at the moment but if ever I will have, I want him to be smarter than me. I want him to be cute ad he should be a great cook. I want him to be the most sensible person to talk to.
- Define love?
Love is a grave mental disorder but for some people, love is the reason for their existence. It gives color to their life. As for me, I have to believe in love first before I can give it a definite meaning.
- What is your motto in life?
I am not afraid of storms for I know how to sail my ship. –Helen Keller
- If you are an animal, what animal are you and why?
A cat. Cats are lazy, they love to sleep. They are sweet and playful.
- Describe your ideal date.
- If you will be given a chance to meet one prominent personality, who will it be and what will you ask him/her?
Alex Max Band. I will ask him, “Will you marry me?”
- Are you happy? Why?
Yes. I have air in my lungs, I have work, I have a lot of friends and a few admirers. I have my family and a stable life. What else would I need?
Friday, March 12, 2010
Let’s Talk About Love, Love, Love!
I can still remember clearly the first time I had a crush. I was I kindergarten and my mom told me that I was just a “saling pusa” that time. I was in my big brother’s class and he had a classmate named Marlon. He was so told and he had beautiful eyes, he was the first ever crush that I had my whole life.
The reason why I am writing this one is because of a call I had last week. The security question I the account was ‘When did you got married?’ It was really sweet to use that as the security question since most people that I know can’t even remember to celebrate anniversaries anymore.
I’m in the early twenties and up to know I am still single. I’ve had a couple of flings and a few relationships before but I guess none of those meant to last. I really think I am afraid to commit to anybody. I have crushes and I consider myself dating at the moment but most of the guys that I like are gay. Well, I have crushes with straight guys but some of them are in a relationship and most of them are married.
I think that the main reason why I find it hard to find a guy that will make me fall is that I don’t believe in love anymore. Most of my married girlfriends says that I am only thinking this way because I am still young and I haven’t found the guy that will make me head over heals. Well, I don’t see myself getting married in any way. I don’t like the thought of having kids and settling with just a single man. Whenever I date somebody, the first thing they talk about is marriage. I really do get turned down once they babble about that kind of stuff. A typical guy wants to be tied up to a girl that knows how to cook and who love kids. Well, in my case, I want a guy who will accept me even if I am not a great cook. I want a man who will still be happy to be with me even if I don’t want to have kids. I want a guy who just wants to be with me and not to make me some kind of a baby maker and cook. I want a man who will love me and accept all the imperfection I have.
I think that I am not the romantic type of girl. I like adventure. I even like competition. I get more attracted to guys who are in a commitment. I guess they are harder to please and it’s really challenging. I easily fall for bisexuals because most of them can understand all my mood sings. They are also very witty and there are no dull moments with them.
Well then, I guess love is not for me. Like what Nicholas Sparks said I his book A Walk to Remember, ‘Love is a leap of Faith’. We have to believe in it to feel it. We have to have faith in order to find true love ad be loved in return.
Saturday, January 23, 2010
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