Dream

"..If it’s not him, it would never be him no matter how much I am in love w/ him. But incase, just incase he's for me, he'll always be for me.. no matter how often I set him free.."

I dreamt about my old friend, John Jay Buenaventura, last night. I really am bothered by the dream. In the dream, I went to school and he saw me there. I gave him this huge bag of chips that I have. I was avoiding him so I went away after that. I was walking in the dark street outside school when he walked behind me with a friend of his that I don’t know. When we reached the intersection, he bid farewell to his friend who went straight ahead. He held my hand and asked me why I was avoiding him. These are the exact words:

“Iniiwasan mo ba ‘ko? (Are you avoiding me?)” I answered him ‘no’.

Then we walked along this long dark road, he still held my hand then we reached this hut where there’s Julie Asentista and a couple of people that I don’t know. We talked, I told him the truth. I cried. I heard the things I wanted to hear all my life. “I don’t want you to avoid me.” I was a bit disappointed in the dream because he didn’t tell me that he liked me. But I guess that’s how it is because I know that he likes someone else. Then, when I turned, he wasn’t there anymore, instead, Ferdz was there. That was awfully weird.

I woke up thinking, I looked at Ferdz’ picture at my desk. I guess I miss him. I guess I also miss Jhay. I didn’t buy him anything for his graduation because Ria told me that perhaps, he is just being nice to me because he knows that I like him. Yeah, I thought so too. He’s just nice to me because he’s a gentleman. I did like him before. But not anymore, what I had with Jhay was just a part of my past. I will always miss him. Yet, I don’t think that I am gonna be the one that’ll make the move to see him.

If I see him again, I’ll be the happiest person. But I am not ready yet. I can’t even send him a text message. I don’t want to. I don’t want to miss anybody anymore. I just wish that wherever he’s gonna be and whatever he’s gonna do, he’ll be happy no matter what.

Ang Pugo at Softdrinks: Epilogue

There were only four damn hours left before our supposedly “date” but I texted him that I won’t come because of an errand I had to do at the dean’s office.

He replied, “Cge, ok lng..”

I told my friends about that and they told me how damn f****** stupid I am…

After a couple of days, I saw him at school…

He tapped my back and called me,

“Pre”

End of Story.

T.T

Ang Pugo at Softdrinks Part 2:The last June 18 together…

I told ____ that I’m gonna treat him on June 18.

He agreed. We’ll meet on that day.

It’s already June 16, and I feel awful yet happy..

Of course excited..

I’ll bring a friend of mine with me…Reg

This, perhaps, will be the last June 18 that we’ll spend together since he’s graduating.

I’ll make the best out of it.

I’m actually looking forward to it..

I hope this won’t be the last..

Ang Pugo at Softdrinks

June 18, 2008

Nag mis call ako kay ____ tapos I texted him kung kelan siya pupunta sa Hilltop.. Hindi sya nagreply hanggang 5:30pm and told me na nasa lounge sya. I came to see him. We spent the rest of the afternoon chatting with each other. It was awesome. I think that was the time that I started to like him. We had a very nice talk and a very sweet walk home afterwards.

June 21, 2008

I saw some signs already. The ice cream, the sabay umuwi thing. He approached me na.. The stare, the smile, and when a friend of mine offered his umbrella, he turned dead silent.

June 24, 2008

(I wrote this while waiting at the tambayan)

I knew it! He’s not gonna be here today. Pero I’m still waiting..how stupid could I get? …..pero he came! I’m happy na.. We spent time together. Nilibre nya ko ng pugo. We talked and talked about everything. It even came to a point when I told him this: “Halos lahat ng guys na nagugustuhan ko ‘bi’.. Ikaw ba ‘bi’ ka?!” He laughed a lot. Then he told me.. “Nica, alam mo bang malakas ang intuition ko?”. Then, we were cut short ’cause Angela came. He told me that he hopes to find someone perfect. An angel.. I guess I have to stop this now.. This will be the end of our story.

June 28, 2008

This is probably the longest day of my life. ____ asked Reg if I have a thing for him. Why the hell did he asked? I like it but it shouldn’t matter. It should never be an issue. He shouldn’t care at all.. This sucks…

I stopped writing in my journal after that incident at the lounge. I started feeling awkward whenever he is around. I started seeing other people… Until today, May 18, 2009.

May 18, 2009

I was standing in front of the school. I was waiting for my best guy bud, Ferdz, when I saw him at the registrar’s office right across from where I stand. I I stared at him for a while when he probably have seen me.

He texted me: d2 aq hilltop..

Me: I can see you from where I stand..

Him: cheh… hnd aq un..haha

Me: baba k jan, pkiss! ^^

Him: cheh…hehe

That was probably the most meaningful text messages I have received my entire life.

Stupid yet true..